We humans seem to be the only species with an overwhelming desire to decorate our skin. Since Adam and Eve donned those fig leaves, we have come up with increasingly strange ways to alter, if not improve upon, nature’s offerings.

Ink, work, tats - or for those of us less lingo-hip… tattooing. It is an ancient practice. Otzi the Iceman, a fellow who lived about 7,000 years ago, emerged from a melting Alp a decade ago sporting over 57 tattoos on his body. No Mom-On-A-Red-Heart for this guy. Anthropologists tell us that ancient man wasn’t just bored when he ambled into the local tattoo tent. He used tattoos as marks of status, and to protect against dangers both on and off the earth. Sailors of the 18th Century brought the practice back from Tahiti. Since then, it has been associated with those who sail, from Popeye to the current tars of the Royal Navy, where there is even a tattoo to mark deserters.

In many cultures, a pretty picture in pastels just won’t do the trick. For those who really mean business, there is the practice of scarification - cutting the skin and keeping the wound from healing for a time sufficient to produce a permanent mark. The Maori literally consider themselves naked if they don’t have the facial scars called Moko. It is said that the process can release endorphins, causing a state of euphoria - which may explain the use of scarification in religious and passages rites. Turns out you can get high on pain! What seems to separate the practice from a pathological disorder is purpose.

Today, the limits are those of one’s own imagination and the skill of the tattoo artist. And yes, it can get a bit odd. Take the fellow who has a plate on his pate serving up two fried eggs, sausage links, and what appears to be a generous serving of baked beans… his favorite breakfast. Then there is the guy who illustrates the lure of the cliché; he has eyes in the back of his head. In the category of “Traveling By the Seat of Your Pants,” one peripatetic sport has a map of the world on his posterior. A serious looking fault line lies just east of Africa.

At FootageBank HD, it is rumored that our boss has a chic little red chair discretely and beautifully rendered somewhere on her lovely self. Though you most likely won’t be verifying that any time soon, you can check out our eye-popping Hi-Def footage of the tattooist art here.